
Photo courtesy of
Nasa |
In
the Evening Made
by Robert Laughlin
     "I have never in my life seen the Milky Way
galaxy from within the limits of New York City, and I was
born and raised here. If you observe the night sky from light-drenched
Times Square, you might see a dozen or so stars, compared
with the thousands that were visible from the same spot when
Peter Stuyvesant was hobbling around town."
--Neil deGrasse Tyson |
      The rushing
stream spilled over the cliff to the rock shelf below. The spot
was known to no one but Fara and she had never been there. Her vantage
was near the base of the falls; she looked up at the sky without
eyes and listened to the impact without ears. Fara had too little
education to guess that the rock shelf was radioactive pitchblende,
the stream subzero liquid methane pulled down by gravity a dozen
times the terrestrial standard. She knew only that this place was
novel, beautiful and private.
      Fara moved closer to the bottom of the falls,
risking the loss of that connection lately grown so tenuous. The
sound from the methane’s impact was like no musical instrument
she had heard or ever would. Sheer cliffs last a short time in such
immense gravity, this one having formed from an earthquake along
a thrust fault. Accelerated erosion in the stream bed had enlarged
many fine grooves along its length, scalloping its cross-section
where it opened into the waterfall. Rivulets of methane thrust straight
down to the surface slab of pitchblende below; in geological time,
it took only a moment for hemispherical divots to erode. Ever full
with liquid replenished in a constant drill rather than a cascade,
the erosion-polished bowls of dense stone released a low, pure chord
through the gaseous atmosphere. It had the majesty of a choir of
organs and would last only one more tick of geological time before
erosion wore the stream flow into a single channel or wore through
the pitchblende to the porous stratum below. The high gravity didn’t
prevent a fine mist from wafting up a few meters above the base
of the waterfall and Fara looked up through it to a bright sky pocked
with pink-edged turbans of vaporous methane. The prismatic gauze
from twin sources of sunlight treated her to an amalgam of vision
and sound unique to that planet or any other in the galaxy.
      At first she thought it was a nuance of sound
from the falls she had missed before. Then it came through, forcing
out everything else: a motorcycle horn outside her window. Contact
was sundered and the alien landscape replaced by her own bedroom
in the muggy pre-dawn. Like the character in A Tale of Two Cities,
Fara was recalled to life.
      Fara turned back the sheet, got up from her pallet
and looked down at the street below her second-story window. There
were no lamps and she could barely make out the cause of the commotion—a
stray dog was sprinting from a rickshaw driver who couldn’t
spare any time getting to the lucrative fares downtown. For this,
Fara had been ousted from her wondrous retreat. According to the
alarm clock, she had to begin her day in another six minutes, but
Fara valued every second she could snatch away.
Eleven-year-old Hasina was sleeping undisturbed on her side of the
room. As stealthily as possible, Fara performed ablutions with the
bowl and cloth on her bureau, brushed her hair and doffed her cotton
nightshirt for her usual day wear. When she had finished winding
her yellow and green sari, she saw there was exactly one minute
left before six. Fara flicked off the alarm button and kissed Hasina
on the forehead.
      “Good morning, sister.”
      One after the other, Hasina opened her eyes. Fara
retired to her side of the room quickly, knowing how bad Hasina’s
morning breath was when she yawned herself awake. At the same time
Fara got done winding the clock, a mechanical clanking sounded in
the other bedroom—Father and Mujib were awake. Fara went downstairs
while the others dressed.
      Fara took good advantage of her unwanted head
start on the morning’s chores. By the time everyone finished
their sunrise prayers, the kitchen stove was burning and breakfast—tea,
sweetened rice with raisins, fresh orange and mango sections—was
ready to serve. Fara and Hasina set everything on the bamboo breakfast
mat under Father’s approving eye and he gently squeezed their
proffered hands before the family sat down to eat. He couldn’t
have squeezed harder had he wanted to. The tuberculosis that killed
Fara’s mother had scarred Father’s spine and permanently
weakened his arms.
      They sat two to each side of the mat, a one-time
farm family living in a Dhaka row house. Fara was surrogate mother
to Hasina, soon to take her place as manager of the household, and
eight-year-old Mujib, the only boy in the family and Father’s
hope for the future. As in Western homes, breakfast on weekdays
was a purely functional meal and everyone ate quietly, Father with
fastidious care to protect his long waxed mustache; it was all that
remained to him for natural adornment now that his black hair was
falling out.
      Fara left the house by the front door, preceded
by Hasina and Mujib. Father had already moved the rickshaw out onto
the uncurbed street and relocked the steel accordion gate to its
storage port. The passenger seat enclosure was covered on back and
sides with a pattern of aggressively colorful forms. They served
two economic functions: drawing the attention of potential fares
and bringing in revenue from a publicity-seeking artist a few doors
down.
      “Don’t expect me home till around
eight,” Father told Fara. “Tikka said something about
a late job interview.”
      Hasina and Mujib put their school books into the
rear of the rickshaw; Father would drive them to school before taking
on paying customers. As for Fara, she would ride the bus to work.
Fara disliked the four-minute walk to the bus stop, not because
of any proneness to sore feet. The wind of Fara’s sari had
nothing suggestive about it and she avoided makeup like other women
of the Bangladeshi working class. This didn’t preserve her,
however, from getting overly admiring looks from strange men she
passed on the street. Fara was pretty, tall and had broad, heavy
hips that swiveled too much when she walked. To male bystanders,
Fara in motion was a living cartoon of female fertility.
      Like Father’s rickshaw, the bus was tricked
out with adornments paid for by the people who put them there, but
the effect was less pleasing. The blame lay partly with their extreme
motliness, everything from Pepsi logos to pictures of Bangladeshi
film stars, and partly with their failure to fully cover the bus’s
fading paint and patches of rust. Fara took a window seat, strictly
to avoid unwanted eye contact with other passengers; there was nothing
in the street scene to rivet her interest. Fara’s origin,
route and destination were not in the neatly upholstered fraction
of Dhaka occupied by tourists and the city’s small middle
class. Two-thirds of the population lived in a vast warren of unlined
blacktop and paving brick, abutted by mostly one and two-story structures,
each of which might have been built to code, below code or by squatters
with shack-making skills. The bus crept along its route, quicker
than pedestrians and the older bicycle-driven rickshaws, a little
slower than motor vehicles of a more agile species. A few times,
open-air markets on either side of the street, illegal and unpunished,
created a temporary bottleneck. In the streets, there were repeated
assertions of individuality amid the mass of unplanned human life:
lush scalp and facial hair, cheap jewelry, clothing too gaudy or
scanty for strict tastes, slogans and ornamental trappings on the
vehicles and jerry-built housing. HERE I AM, MY EXISTENCE MATTERS
was a refrain trying to be heard above ten million close-packed,
deafening heartbeats.
      It never occurred to Fara to mention her out-of-body
experiences to anyone else. Even if they believed her (she thought
it much likelier she would be considered crazy and therefore unweddable),
Fara enjoyed having a great secret, the only one she’d ever
had. Otherwise her life was so intertwined with her family that,
when she was living on the farm, they could all tell she was last
to go to the outdoor privy from the color of her stool. What troubled
her now was that her flights from the Dhaka slums were becoming
less frequent and harder to maintain. Three or four times a week,
a visitor bearing sights and sounds from strange places had called
on her, waiting until freedom from routine let her answer. Almost
always she had no chance to do so until bedtime. The contact ended
spontaneously after a few hours but no outside reaction could disrupt
it; Fara’s parents and siblings marveled at what a sound sleeper
she was. Now she counted herself lucky if the visitor came once
a week, and any loud noise or other stimulus could intrude itself
and sever the contact.
      Fara got off right outside her workplace, a jute
mill that was one of the few large buildings near her home. Entering
by the women’s door, she joined eighty other women in cutting,
sewing and labeling sacks from bolts of burlap produced by the mill’s
male employees. Most of Fara’s coworkers were younger women
supporting families, not unlike herself, and they shared an easy
comradeship devoid of intimacy. Fara was due to leave in a few more
weeks and expected she would actually miss the place. The rotating
work assignments were never that demanding and left her time for
her own thoughts. Fara knew it was much easier work than harvesting
the jute. Mujib was too young to assist when the family owned their
four-acre lot in the village and Father was too proud to let the
women help him. He did it all himself, standing in muddy water,
hacking through the tough jute fibers and letting them steep in
the paddies until the horribly sticky resin dissolved.
      Fara’s shift ended at four and she went
straight home. After checking to see that Hasina and Mujib were
safely accounted for, Fara did her afternoon housework. Halfway
through the monthly chore of beating the drapes and mats, she sensed
the faraway pull, too familiar to mistake. Twice in twenty-four
hours was unusual in the past and a near-miracle now. Fara knew,
of course, that she couldn’t respond until she put in a long
evening. Father always brought home groceries and jute sticks for
the stove, and tonight he also brought Tikka, Fara’s intended
husband.
      Fara: “Clear away, sister. I’ll bring
out the shemai.”
      Father: “You know Tikka doesn’t care
for sweets.”
      Tikka: “Who told you that? Don’t take
the dinner mat. Fara, hurry back!”
      Every Thursday evening saw the same tug of war
in Fara’s house -- Father wanted dinner to end quickly so
Tikka could join him in the men-only area of the downstairs common
room, and Tikka wanted to linger in the company of Fara. Fara and
Tikka had been neighbors in the old village and Tikka’s family
moved voluntarily to the city, as Fara’s did by compulsion
a few months later. Tikka was meant to get the best education possible
and certainly rose to the opportunity, earning top grades in his
high school science courses. Soon to graduate college as a civil
engineer, he had already secured promises of full-time work, that
being the main conversational topic of the evening. Fara thought
he would be an easy man to live with and long ago lost her aversion
to the queer double depression in his jaw, made years earlier by
the hoof of an ill-tempered ox. Tikka, for his part, didn’t
mind what another man might have considered a financially disadvantageous
marriage. He loved Fara in a romanticized Western fashion; marrying
her was on his mind long before their parents broached the subject.
      After dinner, Father turned on the radio -- the
only electrical appliance in the house apart from the lamps -- and
tuned in a soccer match. Fara surrendered Tikka and joined the children
at prayers before sending them to bed. She wanted to be in bed too.
She felt bone-weary and long overdue to answer the visitor’s
call. Instead she spent two full hours puttering around the house
till Tikka’s departure. Father and Tikka took their soccer
seriously and Fara wouldn’t chance having contact broken by
the cheers and groans coming from the common room. At last, the
house quiet, Fara settled into bed. It took twenty, thirty, forty
seconds of hard mental effort, but the visitor had waited patiently.
      There was no audio element this time; Fara was
becalmed in total vacuum. A moment later she resolved a black sky
with thousands of stars undimmed by any planetary atmosphere. In
the figurative near ground, a brilliant object grew steadily nearer.
Fara had searched for them with her own eyes while standing on the
soil of Earth, so she knew perfectly what a comet looked like. This
one was multinucleate, its disparate clumps of metal, rock, water
and organic compounds held together by the feeblest gravitational
attraction. The tail radiated from the coma in broadly angled streaks
like the spikes of a foxtail burr, each one dispersing a spoonful
of solid matter into a hundred thousand kilometers of luminescent
glory. Were it to impact on an Earth-like planet, the water and
organics borne on the comet could help spark the start of life.
Fara rotated her vision to see where the comet was going and saw
it was fated otherwise.
      Looming in front of the comet was the sunlit disk
of a giant planet, girdled with green and violet striations. The
planet lacked the mass needed to become a star, but its gravity
was great enough to have pulled countless smaller bodies into collision
orbits during its life. The comet had swung around its sun fifteen
thousand times before an accident of celestial mechanics dictated
its capture by the gas giant. Fara moved her vantage point so she
was right next to the comet’s coma and traveling in exact
parallel. The collision was only minutes away and the comet seemed
to be emitting a faint, unaccountable ticking sound -- no, not the
alarm clock! Fara redoubled her concentration and the vision in
space didn’t fade away; the alarm clock did.
      The comet’s tail was pushed by solar pressure
straight toward the planet. When the tail streamers began to brush
the planet’s surface, Fara halted where she was, respective
to the planet—it was the perfect spot to observe the collision.
Several times she had witnessed comets and asteroids hitting a planet
like this, always on the night side. Every time there was a localized
glow at the point of impact, visible without solar illumination.
At most, the only other reaction was a barely perceptible band of
color working around the dayside like gentle rippling on water far
from a dropped stone. This time Fara would miss nothing.
      The coma drew closer to the planet; the planet’s
surface was still undisturbed. As the coma edged into the outer
atmosphere, a kernel of canary yellow appeared in the center of
the coma’s diaphanous whiteness, caused by combustion of the
nuclear material. Fara thought she could see the kernel start to
break up, and then the nuclei reached the denser inner atmosphere.
The planet’s green and violet covering began to part, peeling
back to reveal a bright crimson underlayer...and that was the last
thing Fara saw. She was yanked back to her bedroom by an uncontrollable
fit of shivering.
      Fara knew now why she felt so tired before getting
into bed. It was an attack of the flu, for which Fara hadn’t
received an inoculation in her entire life. She got up and got the
two winter blankets out of the bureau. Despite the darkness and
her trembling, she managed to align the blankets edge-to-edge and
lay them neatly over her pallet. She slipped in under the sheet
and readied herself for a very cheerless night.
      The loss of a weekend to illness wasn’t
the calamity to Fara that it would have been to a woman in a developed
nation, or for that matter, a man in her own nation. The absence
of labor-saving devices forced an accumulation of housework during
the week; the practical result was that Fara had a work schedule
just as crowded on Friday and Saturday, though she logged all that
time at home without earning a single taka. Hasina filled in for
her the next two days, quite rightly in Fara’s opinion, since
the passing of a few more weeks would see Hasina doing this labor
every day. Fara never got so well rested as when she was sick and
she smiled inwardly through her fever and chills, thinking that
anytime a vagrant germ wanted to single her out was acceptable to
her.
      Fara woke Sunday morning with a lingering headache
and decided that wouldn’t stop her from putting in a day at
the jute mill. The cataract visible through her window was bad news—the
monsoon season had come early. Fara flung on some clothes and hurried
downstairs to the backyard kitchen garden. It was the only one immediately
near because the buildings around Fara’s house fully occupied
their lots or because the city-bred residents put their yards to
other use. Fara drew plastic sheeting over the strawberry plants
in their clay tubs. The other produce would have to cope.
      Father assured Fara last night that Hasina had
managed the house perfectly in her absence. When Fara went to the
kitchen, she found Father was mistaken in at least one particular:
Hasina hadn’t cleaned the stove of ash all weekend. Breakfast
was delayed and everyone got off to a late start, made worse by
the necessity of donning slickers and galoshes before leaving the
house.
Fara’s paycheck was cropped twice that day, once when she
came to work on a late bus and again when the electric sewing machines
all stopped chattering at once. Fara and twenty other women ate
their ramen early while the problem was repaired. It took forty-seven
minutes more than the duration of a lunch break and the mill paid
nothing for work not done, no matter what the cause.
Fara’s bad luck continued after work. Standing in line to
board the bus, she saw that the driver was an oversexed fiftyish
man who gave her nothing but trouble in the past. She couldn’t
take the next bus; the rain was still pouring down and the mill
owners wouldn’t let her wait inside.
      “Well, it’s been a long time since
I saw you last.”
Fara dodged his pawing and paid the toll box at the same time. She
took a seat well back in the bus, expecting no further outrages
during the ride home. Wrong; the driver, a patronage employee who
would keep his job regardless of any misconduct, made sport of Fara’s
sinuous walk by slinking the bus from one side of the street to
the other. Diminished traffic in the heavy rain allowed him to do
this without killing anyone, but people all along the route were
drenched with water thrown up by the bus. This was too much for
Fara to take and she got off one stop early, using the side exit.
From there it was a whole kilometer of sloshing through shin-deep
water to her house.
      Once safely home, Fara went directly to the garden,
still in her rain gear. The current crop of staple vegetables was
submerged, with the harvest date two weeks away. Fara waded into
the vegetable plots, cut the tomatoes and pulled up the onions.
She would try canning a big batch of green tomato and spring onion
chutney tomorrow, lacking a better idea. The potatoes and yams might
come through if the water level dropped soon, so Fara left them
alone.
      Fara was sewing a button on one of Mujib’s
shirts when Father’s motorcycle pulled in. It wasn’t
even six o’clock.
      “You’re back early.”
      “Too much water; it might throttle the engine.
I’ll unlash our boat in the morning. It could be the only
way to get around if the streets get any higher.”
      Fara noted with pleasure that the nightly bag
of groceries included shrimp, an infrequent luxury item. She got
dinner underway, and right after stirring the shrimp into a stovetop
pilaf, she left the kitchen to investigate raised voices in the
dining area. Mujib had been scolded for coming to school late and
waited until now to shower invective on the nominal cause, Hasina.
Normally his sister was a family peacekeeper willing to accept due
criticism, but not tonight. After much refereeing, Fara returned
to the kitchen to find the rice had a tough bottom crust and the
shrimp were badly overdone. Father ate the ruined dinner without
complaining. The children refocused their anger on Fara.
      “What did you do to these shrimp, Fara?
They taste like tire shavings!”
      “Whatever cookbook gave you the recipe for
this, don’t let me read it, alright?”
      Fara chose to say something in her defense...and
the visitor returned, entreating, desperate for her attention. Fara
swallowed her last bite of the scorched rice and said:
      “Go to bed, you two. Go now.”
      After a short, poisonous silence, Hasina and Mujib
mounted the stairs to their bedrooms. Father said nothing; he had
never second-guessed his wife when she disciplined the children
and he elected to show the same courtesy to his grown daughter.
Fara took the uneaten food to the backyard fertilizer tub, grateful
for the undiscriminating tastes of stalks and tubers.
      Father retired early. Paying no attention to her
sister’s scornfully presented back on the other pallet, Fara
changed into her nightshirt, slid under the sheet and let the visitor’s
offering sweep over her.
Again there was no audio component and Fara didn’t care at
all, not when there was so much to see. Her vantage point was a
few light-minutes from the perimeter of a huge billowing cloud of
straw-colored gas—a nebula. Facing into it, she noticed it
was receding from her and concluded this was the effect of reverse
chronology, something she was no stranger to. Fara wasn’t
always treated to visions of otherwhere happening in real time;
often she saw events taking thousands or millions of terrestrial
years, squashed into hours; twice time was halted completely so
she could survey the generation of celestial bodies with the rapt
passion of someone present at a privileged moment. Fara guessed
it was not an act of creation she was watching now.
      She moved forward very quickly, plunging in almost
to the heart of the coalescing cloud. Glowing wisps of stellar gas,
in a profusion of geometric and organic forms, were all around Fara.
She rotated her vision in place, trying to follow the continually
dissolving tracery of crescents, forks, spirals, arrows, hoops,
leaves, all created from the mass of a giant star and interacting
in a riot of ever-changing visual associations that would trivialize
the lifetime effort of a hundred Alexander Calders.
      The gases were getting denser, packing in too
thickly to let Fara keep watching the monumental show of mobile
sculpture. A distant rumble, like a conch shell held to the ear,
began in the compacting medium. A few seconds later, the trailing
edge of a supernova’s wave front leaped in upon Fara. She
threw her right arm up to protect her eyes, out of reflex; the part
of Fara that mattered, thousands of parsecs distant, knew this and
stayed where it was, contact still firm and unendangered. Fara turned
her vantage in the dazzling white surround toward what she imagined
was the center of its volume and inched forward. A few subjective
minutes of progress ended in an abrupt halt; she came to the edge
of a rapidly contracting black sphere and had no time to ponder
her next move before the singularity, regressed into nonexistence,
spewed out a colossal red-orange gout of superheated hydrogen. Fara
couldn’t help being terrified for all her knowledge she would
come to no harm. It wasn’t the scrumptious fear that brought
her back to the world her body occupied, or the dragon roar of the
reversed implosion. It was the sound of tapping on glass, on her
own bedroom window.
      Fara heard her sister scream and opened her eyes.
There in the window was a face, shining, misshapen, and after the
initial shock, wholly familiar. Tikka had somehow gotten a ladder
or something else to stand on and was pointing a flashlight at himself.
What he needed at this hour was a mystery to Fara. His apparition
at the window brought on Hasina’s screaming and Fara wanted
to scream as well—not from fear. When the vision fled, there
was a horrid feeling of finality about it. Fara couldn’t have
said how she knew this. It was as though the visitor, in departing,
had angrily slammed a door behind him. The immediate, teeming world
where she ate and slept and toiled to get through each day was the
only one Fara would ever know again, and even her mother’s
death hadn’t affected her so. Fara surprised herself with
her own strength; not allowing a moment’s pause, she got out
of bed for a civil exchange with the person responsible for her
loss.
      “It’s Tikka. Don’t be frightened,
sister. Go back to sleep.”
      Fara opened the window, fortunately a sliding
window or Tikka would have been knocked into the flooded street.
He shone the flashlight on Fara.
      “Fara, the house was dark. I had to see
you.”
      “Have you seen enough?” Fara knew
how sheer her nightshirt was.
      “I just got word you were sick. I had to
see how you were, and besides that...Fara, they’re sending
me away for a whole month. It’s a requirement for engineering
majors. I’ll be with a field crew, inspecting foundations,
fixing earthworks, anything else they want me to do. We’ll
be apart all that time.”
      It would be by far Tikka’s longest absence
since Fara’s family moved to Dhaka and she could easily imagine
how loathsome it was to Tikka. To have Fara always near was his
dream, one that drove his schoolwork and every major decision of
his life.
      “You’ll really miss me that much?”
      “You know I will.”
      The mood of urgency had waned enough for Fara
to do something about the flashlight blazing in her face.
      “Give me that.”
      Fara took the light out of Tikka’s hand
and turned it off. Tikka was glad to relinquish it; now he could
grip the tottering ladder with both hands.
      “Just one month, Fara. I get my diploma
right after that and we can be married.”
      Married. Fara knew she would live better as the
wife of a gainfully employed engineer, even after feeding the numerous
mouths Tikka would expect her to bring into the world. What else
was there? Tikka was content to pass his allotted days in a continuation
of his present existence, the one he’d always known. Fara
had known something else, larger and more entrancing than Tikka,
Father or anyone else had imagined. There was no substitute for
it, none at all.
      Unless...
      “Fara, what are you doing?”
      Fara had turned the flashlight back on and held
it to one side of Tikka’s head. For thousands of hours she
had seen Tikka and should have had nothing new to appreciate in
his malformed face, now beaded with rain. Instead she was looking
at him intensely, moving the source of the beam to bring fresh shadow
and highlight patterns into relief. Seeking outward was denied to
Fara; desperation moved her to find the beauty and savor of strange
vistas where she had never thought to look before.
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